Tuesday, November 21, 2006

You Could Cry Or Die Or Just Make Pies All Day

I'm supposed to be making pies right now. The trouble is I don't want to. Well, more specifically, I don't want to make the pie CRUST. I know what you're thinking: I don't HAVE to make the pie crust -- they sell that shit in the grocery now. But you're wrong, I do have to make the pie crust. Sometimes I even have to cut said crust out in the shape of little tiny leaves (don't worry, I have cookie cutters for this!) and arrange the leaves artfully on top of the pies. You know, instead of just covering the pies with some boring old crust.

What? Like this is the first time I've mentioned the OCD.

Another problem with Tuesday night pie-making is that all of my pies involve bourbon. It hardly seems fair that the pies get to have bourbon and I don't, but bourbon on a school night is a BAD idea. Plus, I'm not allowed to drink bourbon unsupervised. Trust me, it's a good rule. Most people who know me would prefer that I not drink bourbon at all.

But here are my options: A) spend the rest of the evening cutting dozens of one-inch leaves out of pie crust while drinking water or B) spend the rest of the evening cutting dozens of one-inch leaves out of pie crust while drinking BOURBON. Right. So let's just hope I have ginger ale.

Now I guess I should go make the pies. Oh, and PS, I stole the title of this post from Patty Griffin's "Making Pies," my appropriately-named pie-making theme song.

Update: This post was up for exactly 16 minutes before my phone rang and I heard my best friend's voice say, "Uh, you need to just drink wine."


lulu said...

Of course you have to make the crust and cut out all of the timy little leaves. I will be doing exactly the same thing tomorrow night, only no bourbon, as I will be at my parents' house, and the only booze around their house is glogg left over from last year.

Luckily my brother will be showing up with wine.

Phil said...

I love pie. I love bourbon. Ever think of selling your pies online, cause right now I jusy pour the bourbon on my pies to mix success.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Indeed, crusts must be made by hand. It is the ritual by which we prove we are worthy of the gift of pie.

I make pumpkin sour cream mousse pie every year. Of course the graham cracker crust must be made by hand as well. It is not the religious experience that making a baked crust is, but it is a pain in the ass just the same.

The top layer of the pie is white. I cut out paper leaves and acorns, lay them gingerly on the top of the pie, and then dust the pie with cinnamon. Then, when you pull up the paper shapes...okay, I think I am over-explaining. You get the idea. I am a little befuddled this morning after staying up late making 6 dozen little cheese dough-wrapped olive hors d’oeuvres.


Grant Miller said...

I think your pies need more bourbon. Although I prefer Jack Daniels in everything.

Big Orange said...

burbon and pies... never thought of that. do ALL your pies get bourbon, or just the fruit ones? Apple pie w/bourbon would be good. Pumpkin? not so good

digsite said...

such a good homemaker! and this year we're having boston market for thanksgiving dinner. it's my gift to my family. bwahahahaha!!

wonderturtle said...

Bourbon or no, I'm just impressed.

Maritza said...

I'd like to serve bourbon and cornflakes to my family. Not quite a pie, but it gets them to settle down.

Megan said...

Lulu & Vikki - I'm glad to know I'm not alone in OCD pie-related behavior!

Phil - Sounds like you're not using enough bourbon.

Grant - Jack Daniels?! Puh-leaze. I'm all about the Maker's Mark.

Big O - Apple, pecan, and peach get bourbon. Rhubarb. . .not so much. I don't know, pumpkin and bourbon might not be so bad.

Digsite - Wow. Just wow.

WT - Thanks. :-)

Maritza - You mean like instead of milk? I'll have to try that.

The Dancing Bear said...

I know, late as usual.
A woman who drinks bourbon while she cooks. There is a God. I thought Julia Child was the only woman that did that and she was way too old for me.
Jim Beam has been a very good friend of mine.