Well Duh. . .

I stole this from Big Orange some time ago, and while I admit that I occasionally take these sorts of quizzes several times until I get a result I like, this one only took me one try. 'Cause really, could you BE a cooler book than this?

You're To Kill a Mockingbird
by Harper Lee

Perceived as a revolutionary and groundbreaking person, you have changed the minds of many people. While questioning the authority around you, you've
also taken a significant amount of flack. But you've had the admirable guts to persevere. There's a weird guy in the neighborhood using dubious means to protect you, but you're pretty sure it's worth it in the end. In the end, it remains unclear to you whether finches and mockingbirds get along in real life.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Bibliophiles of the blogopshere (Jay, Lulu, Meaghan, WonderTurtle), what book are you?

The Crush Chronicles

Shortly before Thanksgiving, WonderTurtle tagged me to write about my childhood crushes, which I'm just now getting around to doing, having been fairly preoccupied with a certain adulthood crush.

Although WonderTurtle and Coaster Punchman both remember having crushes as early as the age of four, my first memorable crush was on Jon Black in the fifth grade. Jon Black was a short blonde boy who lived next door to me. We attended some sort of after-school recreation program together which, as I recall, mostly involved eating mentos, playing on the playground, and -- if you had a boyfriend -- kissing him behind the portables. As it turned out, Jon Black had a crush on me too, and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him. Of course I wanted to go out with him, but I was also the world's biggest goodie goodie so I told him I'd have to ask my mom first. "Where are you gonna go?" inquired my mom. "No, Mom, we're not gonna GO anywhere. He's just gonna, like, be my boyfriend" I tried to explain. "Your boyfriend?!" said my mom, "You're ten. You're not allowed to date until you're 16." Which is pretty much what I told Jon Black while my younger sister, to whom it never would have occurred to ask permission, looked on shaking her head and rolling her eyes at my stupidity. I've often wondered whether my mom's answer would have been different had the favorite pastime of Jon Black's four older brothers not been shooting our dog, but I have never repeated the mistake of sharing the details of my love life with her.

In the sixth grade there was David Kerr, who my friends called "chipmunk cheeks." I have no idea what I liked about David Kerr except, perhaps, that his name was David. (It became apparent later in life that I had a thing for Davids.) But in the sixth grade I liked David Kerr so much that I went to school on days I would have ordinarily faked sick. I often pretended to be sick so that I wouldn't have to go to school, not because I didn't like school but because I didn't like waking up. My mom's rule was that if you didn't go to school, you didn't get to do anything AFTER school -- a reasonably good way to determine whether you were faking or not. On one particular Friday that I'd decided to fake sick my mom reminded me of A) the rule and B) the 5th and 6th grade roller skating party that night. After considerable internal debate I decided to go to school so that I could go to the roller skating party where, for sure, David Kerr would ask me to skate with him. He didn't.

In the eighth grade I fell for Jeff, whose wardrobe consisted entirely of Polo and who NEVER did his Latin homework. I was enamored of Jeff for all of eighth and ninth grade and into the beginning of tenth, until I learned that my best friend had gone to the mall with him -- even though she knew I liked him (!), at which point I (temporarily) stopped speaking to both of them. To be fair to her, my best friend only went to the mall with Jeff to make HIS best friend jealous and they (my best friend and Jeff's best friend) are now happily married.

Somewhere in here, although I'm not sure where, was a summer crush on Dave Kelley (see? another David). Dave was an out-of-town friend of my sister's boyfriend Ryan, and his family spent a couple weeks visiting Ryan's family at the beach. Dave was tall and goofy and nice. We sat around at bonfires and went for walks on the beach (ha!) and I think he might have even held my hand. His mom told my mom that he'd gotten some Garfield stationery so that he could write me letters when he went home. I don't think he ever did.

In the tenth grade there was Mike Elkins. *sigh* Mike had long black hair (not black like mine, which is actually dark brown, but black like "quoth the raven 'nevermore'"), painted black fingernails, and approximately three outfits: jeans and a Jane's Addiction t-shirt, jeans and a Danzig t-shirt, and jeans and a Screaming Trees t-shirt. He thought school was pointless and refused to dress out for PE, choosing instead to sit quietly on the gym floor reading Steinbeck or Hemingway or Sylvia Plath and talking to me about politics and religion. As much as it's possible to love someone when you're 15, I loved Mike Elkins.

My junior year in high school I moved from Virginia Beach to the suburbs of DC and developed a crush on Bryce (collective groan), who was also new to school. Bryce was bad. I say that now with a great deal of hindsight, but even then Bryce was bad. My eleventh grade crush on Bryce faded when he got arrested for grand larceny (because, really, a girl's gotta draw the line somewhere), but returned in the twelfth grade after we played Trivial Pursuit together and he asked me to marry him when I correctly answered a question about acetylsalicylic acid (ah, dork love). Bryce and I spent most of our senior year hanging out but not actually dating, due in no small part to a probably-true rumor that he'd bet his best friend he could sleep with me before graduation. A bet he lost, by the way -- I was 17 and saving myself for true love.

I have, like, three more Daves to go, but we're beyond a crushes now so I'm stopping. Anybody else wanna play? Meaghan? Lulu? Chris? Flannery? Big Orange? It's fun. You know, until you're 15 or so.

Five Things You Don't Know About Me

WonderTurtle, who rocks, tagged me last week.

It's taken me a while to think of five things ya'll don't know about me that are interesting enough to share yet not so interesting they should only be shared with one's therapist. It's an important balance to strike. . .

1. I do not like U2 or Coldplay. I know, I know, they're both supposed to be totally awesome bands, but I will change the station every fucking time. My friends and I were once at a Carbon Leaf St. Patty's Day show where you could register to win a free trip to NYC to see U2. I filled out the form along with my super-excited friends but then snuck it into my purse instead of turning it in -- I was afraid I might win and I didn't want to have to go to that shit (sorry, girls).




2. Despite the fact that I am a grown-ass woman, I worry constantly about getting in trouble. Not "getting in trouble" as a euphemism for getting pregnant, but getting in trouble as in "I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record." I cannot STAND for people to be unhappy with me, even if they're people I don't like or respect.




3. I am absolutely terrified of people wearing masks. When I was about three my sister and I were out trick-or-treating with my dad. We were walking up the steps to a house just as some big kids turned away from the door. The big kids were wearing what even my dad describes today as very scary masks. I completely freaked out and would not stop screaming until my dad took me home. I still can't deal with a masked person -- even a little Mardi Gras mask is enough to make me start shaking and feeling nauseated. That's how scared I am of masks.




4. I secretly adore Adam Sandler. He cracks me up. I've seen Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, and Big Daddy more times than I should admit and am overly fond of reciting lines from each ("you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?!" for example). I've even seen and laughed at Adam Sandler's BAD movies -- think Water Boy and Mr. Deeds. And, god help me, I saw Mr. Deeds in the THEATER. Does it make it better or worse that one of my students let me in for free?




5. I hate not being good at things. I quit ballet class when I was a little girl because I wasn't twirling after the first class. I then quit ballet class TWICE in college after I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm clumsy and couldn't twirl gracefully if my life depended on it. I quit sailing in my 20s even though I LOVE being on the water because I suck at the steering the boat part of sailing and I could never remember the proper sailing lingo (seriously, you have to say things like "jibe ho!"). I'm quite good at the trimming the sails part of sailing, and I'm sure I could have eventually kicked ass at both ballet and sailing, but I didn't really have the time to devote to either and if I can't do something well I'm simply not gonna to do it at all.

There you go. Now I think I'm supposed to tag some people, so if you haven't done this already consider yourself tagged. That would be pretty much everyone except Coaster Punchman, Lulu, and WonderTurtle. Get to work!

Olly Olly Oxen Free

Phil tagged me. . .

1) Would you bungee jump? Fuck no! I don't even like rollercoasters.

2) If you could do anything in the world for a living what would it be? Sit on the beach and read. I'm aware that this profession currently does not pay very well, but I'm interpreting "anything" to mean literally anything.

3) Your favorite fictional animal? Is a mermaid an animal? 'Cause that's one of my favorite anythings.

4) One person who never fails to make you laugh? I don't know that there's one person who consistently makes me laugh. It is, however, impossible for me to spend any amount of time with my family and not end up laughing hysterically.

5) When you were 12 years old what did you want to be when you grew up? At 12 I believe I was in my marine biologist phase.

6) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Oddly enough, I put my hair up. If it's a weekday morning I do this while simultaneously saying something to the effect of, "MotherFUCKER!" I am not a morning person.

7) Have you ever gone to therapy? Have you ever left someone at the altar? Alrighty then.

8) If you could have one super power what would it be? I'd like to be able to put the world on pause while I go about my business. That way I might have a fighting chance of actually being on time for shit.

9) Your favorite cartoon character? I haven't thought about cartoon characters in a while, but I used to have quite a thing for Daffy Duck.

10) Do you go to church? Depends on what you mean by church. I go to the beach a lot, which is pretty much the same thing.

11) What is your best childhood memory? I don't have any fond memories specific enough to describe, but every last one of my fond childhood memories involves being outside. How 'bout that?

12) Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? Absolutely not. I actually believe that bit about marriage being a sacred bond between two people who love each other.

13) Do you own a gun? HELLS no!

14) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? I'd be surprised to learn I'd even hit someone of the same sex. By which we, of course, mean gender.

15) Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Well, not like as a performance. But I know the words to pretty much every Irish drinking song imaginable and you cannot shut me up at an Irish pub.

16) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Honestly, I think the first thing I notice is their overall degree of unkempt-ness (unkemptitude?). My friends tease me about my "tucks" scale, which takes into consideration not just shirt-tucking (which is bad bad bad), but amount of facial hair, the presence of logos -- particularly Polo (which is also bad bad bad), length of hair, tattoos, piercings, and the like.

17) What is your biggest mistake? Like ever? Jesus. Here's one I'll tell the internets about: running up credit card debt in college. Also, taking up smoking at the age of 15 ranks high on the list of stupidest things I've ever done.

18) Say something totally random about yourself... I own exactly one shirt with a collar, and I only wear that one for irony's sake. Also two guys are currently peeing in the alley between my building and the next one. I can hear them below my window.

19) Has anyone ever said that you looked like a celebrity? People tell me I look like just about any female celebrity with dark curly hair. Not that I can think of any at the moment. When that Pepsi commercial with the little girl with the mafia voice was popular, my students asked me to do a spoof of that for some project or something they were doing.

20) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you? Shit. I typically do not date the most romantic of men. Made me a mix tape?

21) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? Not for complete strangers, but otherwise yes. I actually kinda like these things.

I'm supposed to tag someone now. I'll go with Lulu, since she tagged me with the book thing a while ago. . .

"Books Are The Carriers Of Civilization" --Thoreau

This book meme (dude, I never wanted to be this "up" on computer lingo) has been circulating around the internets for a while now. Lulu tagged me about a week ago and I realized if I didn't do it tonight it wouldn't get done, as I'm busy with drinking for the rest of the week -- tomorrow I'm doing some recon to find an appropriate location for our soon-to-be-held Drinking Liberally meetings, Thursday is Cogan's Thursday, and Friday I'm headed down to the Outer Banks for a family reunion of sorts.

Anyway, books. I absolutely adore books. I don't just love reading them, I also like having them. And alphabetizing them. And organizing them. And admiring how nicely I've alphabetized and organized them. But mostly I love books for the ideas we find inside them and the beauty with which those ideas are so often expressed.

I am a book evangelist (I stole this metaphor from WonderTurtle). Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I am constantly recommending books -- and not just any old books I like, but books that fit the person. I think that's why this topic has had such staying power. The book-loving crowd holds that you can tell a lot about a person from the books that person likes. Plus we really really really like talking about books.

You'll see.

A Book That Has Changed Your Life: Be Nice to Spiders by Margaret Bloy Graham

I doubt my parents meant to turn me into a hippie by reading me this book, but the fact that I requested it every damn night should have clued them in to the idea that something was going terribly terribly wrong.

In Be Nice to Spiders, Billy decides to leave his pet spider Helen at the zoo because his new apartment does not allow pets. Helen moves happily from cage to cage, spinning webs and catching the flies that bother the animals and just generally making life better for everyone. UNTIL the stupid zookeeper decides to clean the zoo in preparation for the Mayor's visit and orders all the spiderwebs knocked down. Then the flies return, the animals are pissed, and all hell breaks loose. It doesn't take long for the zookeeper to realize that he's fucked up the natural order of things (the whole zoo thing aside) and to allow Helen to resume her web-spinning and fly-catching.

I couldn't have articulated it at the time, but I think this was the first it really occurred to me that even our smallest actions could have far-reaching consequences and that our lives were somehow connected to the lives of so many other beings. And to this day, I'm unable to kill a spider or destroy a spiderweb.

Additionally, Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States, which I read in college, had a profound influence on the way I think about and teach history.

A Book That You Have Read More Than Once: The Nick Adams Stories by Ernest Hemingway

I''ve read a lot of books more than once. I've even read a lot of Hemingway's books more than once. But I don't think I've read any book as many times as I've read The Nick Adams stories.

I fucking love Hemingway, which I guess is weird because, well, for starters I'm a girl. And Hemingway's got issues with women. Plus, he writes primarily about war and fishing. Not only have I never been to war, I don't even believe in it. And while I enjoy fishing, it's not really something I do. So what gives with me and Papa Hemingway?

It's the nature, stupid. Behold:

"This is the way forests were in the olden days. This is about the last good country there is left. Nobody gets in here ever."

"I love the olden days. But I wouldn't want it all this solemn."

"It wasn't all solemn. But the hemlock forests were."

"It''s wonderful walking. I thought behind our house was wonderful. But this is better. Nickie, do you believe in God? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"I don't know."

"All right. You don't have to say it. But you don't mind if I say my prayers at night?"

"No. I'll remind you if you forget."

(okay, now here comes the really good part)

"Thank you. Because this kind of woods makes me feel awfully religious."

"That's why they build cathedrals to be like this."

Need I say more?

A Book That Makes You Laugh: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

I love love LOVE Lamb. I mean, obviously this book is fucking funny. And I'm talking laugh out loud funny, not just a chuckle here and there.

"I could kick that punk's ass," the angel said, jumping on the bed, shaking a fist at the television screen.

"Raziel," I said, "you are an angel of the Lord, he is a professional wrestler, I think it's understood that you could kick his punk ass."

Oh, and when it's not hilarious, this book is actually pretty spiritual and deep. But I've covered this before.

A Book That Makes You Cry: The Brothers K by David James Duncan

My love of David James Duncan is well documented, but I read this book for the first time this summer. And it made me weep. In fact, I just opened it to pull out a passage and I had to close it before I started crying.

It's a book about the Chance family, whose paterfamilias is a struggling professional baseball player and whose materfamilias is a bitchy Christian fundamentalist. This is primarily a book about a family that manages to love one another despite serious philosophical differences and the lengths to which we'll go for those we love. It's also a book about the beauty of baseball and the power of spirituality. It made me cry not because it was particularly sad, but because it is just so goddamn moving.

A Book You Wish You Had Written: The Jefferson Bible by Thomas Jefferson

Only Jefferson could get away with editing the Bible down to just the parts he likes. In: the life and teachings of Jesus. Out: all that stupid shit about miracles like the immaculate conception and the resurrection. Which leaves us with what we all like about Jesus: love, kindness, and compassion.

A Book You Wish Had Never Been Written: I got nothin'.

Honestly, I thought and thought about this one. There are a lot of books I think are complete crap that I wish people wouldn't read, but far be it for me to limit the free expression of ideas. I can't think of a single book that's so bad it should never have been written, or that's so damaging its message can't be counteracted by another book.

A Book You Are Currently Reading:

Teachers Have It Easy by Moulthrop, Calegari, & Eggers

Teaching as a Subversive Activity by Postman& Weingartner

What Learning Leaves (Poems) by Taylor Mali

River Teeth by David James Duncan

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig (although I've pretty much given up on this one)

A Book You Have Been Meaning To Read:

The Long Emergency by James Howard Kunstler

A History of the World in 6 Glasses by Tom Standage

Field of Schemes by Joanna Cagan & Neil deMause

The 9/11 Commission Report

Now I'm supposed to tag five people, only I don't think I know five people who blog and haven't done this yet. There's Uncle J Bird, who teaches English and would probably enjoy this, and my brother Brian, who doesn't usually talk about books but might enjoy mixing it up.

I'm It!

Maritza over at Jump in the Ocean tagged me. When she first told me this, I thought "uh-oh" because she recently mentioned something on her blog about a list of favorite movies, and I am so not a movie person. Thankfully this tag (is 'tag' a noun too in the blogosphere?) is about books. And, conveniently, I have already written extensively on the subject of my favorite books.

Who Knew Grownups Still Played Tag?

Apparently there's this internet/blog tag game where if someone writes about something and "tags" you, then you have to write about the same thing. Either that or I'm completely out of touch. Either way, I've been tagged. . .

Accent -- If I have an accent at all (and the Geography teacher in me knows that everyone has an accent) it's probably a slight Southern accent. However, more than a handful of stangers -- upon hearing me speak -- have asked me if I'm from New Zealand, so at the very least we know I talk funny.

Booze of Choice -- Wine. I can drink the hell out of some wine. I've also grown quite partial to Hoegaarden (a Belgian beer) and I've been known to drink more than my fair share of bourbon, although everyone really wishes I wouldn't. And in the summer there's gin.

Chore I Hate -- Cleaning the shower. And it's probably the only chore I hate.

Dog or Cat? -- I've always considered myself a dog person, and I definitely love dogs, but I currently have the most adorable cat in the world and I'm pretty partial to her.

Essential Electronics -- Computer, cell phone, and CD player.

Favorite Perfume(s) or Cologne(s) -- Aveda Love for me. On a man I prefer a nice combination of Dial and Tide.

Gold or Silver? -- Um, have you seen me in the past 20 years? Silver. And not from Tiffany's.

Hometown -- Well, I grew up in Virginia Beach and that's where I consider myself to be "from," but my current hometown -- and one that I could get very used to -- is Norfolk, VA.

Insomnia? -- Not a chance.

Job Title -- My official job title is "teacher," but I prefer the term "educator" because there's a lot more to this whole teaching thing than the actual teaching.

Kids? -- Not at the moment. I really like the idea of kids, but so far I haven't gotten to a point where I actually want to have any. Someday though, yes, I'd like to be a mom.

Living Arrangement -- Just me and the cat and about 30 houseplants.

Most-admired Trait -- How should I know? I'm a pretty giving person, and I think most people kinda dig that about me, but who knows, maybe they simply admire my incredible hotness.

Number of Sexual Partners -- Whoa! Isn't this the kind of question only your doctor gets to ask you? I think anyone reading this either A) already knows my magic number, B) doesn't want to, or C) doesn't need to.

Overnight Hospital Stays -- I've spent a night or two lounging around various emergency rooms, but I've never been admitted.

Phobia -- I'm terrified of being eaten by a shark! I would prefer never to encounter a shark at all, but it is a risk I run because I'm certainly not staying out of the ocean. If I have to interact with a shark in a chomping kind of way, I would really prefer that the shark just take a bite out of me rather than eating me alive. Does that seem reasonable to you, sharks?

Quote -- Wow, that's tough, as I absolutely love quotations. Here's one of my favorites: "You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." - Woodrow Wilson

Religion -- No thanks. I consider myself to be a very spiritual (but definitely not religious) person. This just means that I spend a lot of time talking to trees and the moon and such.

Siblings -- Younger sister and little brother.

Time I Wake Up -- 5:30ish on a school day, anywhere from 8:00 to 11:30 AM on the weekends or in the summer.

Unusual Talent/Skill -- I see dead people. Seriously. I think the fact that I seem to act as a gravitional field for ghosts qualifies as unusual, though I don't know that I'd call it a talent or skill. And it's rarely fun.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat -- I'm a vegetarian. I pretty much eat all vegetables. Oh wait, beets. One time when I was a kid my mom, who adores beets, fixed us a nice can of beets and forced us to eat them, which caused me to throw up. Ever since then I've kinda steered clear of beets, although I hear fresh beets are actually quite tasty.

Worst Habit -- I have tendency to be slightly dogmatic. And sometimes I leave dirty dishes in the sink overnight.

X-rays -- Yes, every time I have to get a TB test, for starters.

Yummy foods I Make -- In order of popularity: crabcakes, apple pie (with bourbon!), grilled vegetables, tuna steaks with a corn and tomato relish.

Zodiac Sign -- Libra

People I'm Tagging -- How 'bout E-Ditty? She hasn't posted a damn thing since November and it's about time she got her shit together.