Wednesday, November 01, 2006

And This Is Where I Live

It took me 30 minutes to find a parking space last night when I returned home from worshipping Satan.

Okay, fine. I wasn't worshipping Satan. I was sitting on my friends' front porch drinking wine and passing out candy. But it did take me 30 minutes to find a parking space.

And you know why? Fucking Rocky Horror people, that's why.

I live around the corner from an independent theater -- or cinema, as they call themselves -- that shows The Rocky Horror Picture Show every other Friday night. Parking, while scarce, is never much of a problem. But last night -- as you may know -- was Halloween, and Halloween -- as I should have known -- is kind of a big thing with the Rocky Horror folks.

A really big thing. I've never seen so many Rocky Horror people.

So I drove through my neighborhood mumbling, "fucking Rocky Horror people!" with increasing agitation as I searched in vain for a parking space. I have nothing against Rocky Horror people -- I was totally in love with one in the 10th grade and have known some very nice others since -- but couldn't they have carpooled or something? I mean, they're taking up all the parking spots. And I LIVE here.

Such were my thoughts as I circled my block repeatedly. And with every fishnetted, black eyelinered, crossdressed Rocky Horror person I passed, I grew more annoyed.

Until I saw the guy with the megaphone.

There he was, standing on the corner looking decidedly un-Rocky Horror-ish, shouting about salvation and urging the Rocky Horror Picture goers to abandon their freakish ways, repent of their sins, and accept Jesus as their lord and savior. My new friends the fucking Rocky Horror people, to their credit, merely chuckled as they passed by and then continued on to engage in all manner of sinful debauchery.

But my other new friends, the City of Norfolk police, sent Mr. Megaphone packing. Which is as it should be. I mean, the dude didn't even have a costume.


vikkitikkitavi said...

Megaphone guy would do well to heed the advice of Dr. Frank-N-Further:
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it?

Chris said...

What were you doing driving in the first place!? You should've walked or ridden your bike. Why do you hate the environment (and, similarly, freedom)?

Let me know when that gets annoying...

Coaster Punchman said...

Hmm, you give me an idea here. Next Halloween I'm going as a demented Kristian. I'll start thinking of what to wear.

Grant Miller said...

God bless!

Brian said...


lulu said...

I adored Rocky Horror in high school. I never missed the chance to strap on my stilettos and pack up my toast and squirt guns. Ahhh those were the days.

I live right around the corner from a local theater that does a 11:30 show called Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind. I know that I either need to be hom be 10:30 or stay out until 12:30, because there is absolutely no parking when the show is playing.

wonderturtle said...

Maybe that WAS his costume.

Flannery Alden said...

I love it when the police tell religious freaks to move along. Nothing like watching someone get knocked down off the moral high ground.

vikkitikkitavi said...

I was cast in Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind before it opened, when it was being conceptualized. I turned it down.

The show's been running now for about 20 years.

I make excellent career decisions.

Maritza said...

I can't believe that people still go for "Rocky Horror"! That's kinda cute. As for you not really worshipping El Satan, why have I been reading this blog? Isn't this blog full of subversive satanic messages when read backwards? Have I been wasting my time?

Megan said...

Vikki & Lu - I KNEW you two were fucking Rocky Horror people!

Chris - I hate the environment so much I don't even HAVE a bike.

CP - We'll be needing some pictures of that.

Grant - That would have been so much better with a megaphone!

Brian - What can I say? It's a freaky part of town.

WT - Yeah, but the shouting?

Flannery - I was kinda wishing they'd arrest him for disturbing the peace or something, but he probably already felt like he was a martyr doing God's work.

Vikki - Ouch.

Maritza - I try to work in a backwards Satanic message every now and then. Keep checking. (natastraehi)