A Monday Montage
Here, in the order in which they occurred, are a few stories from my day at school today:
This morning I overheard one kid say to another, "Hey, you got a pencil I can borrow?" The would-be borrowee held one finger aloft as if in deep thought and said, "Hmmm. . .let me check my arsenal of writing," then rummaged around in his backpack until he located a writing utensil.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last Wednesday I kicked a kid out of class for consistently annoying the shit out of me, to wit: announcing several times a day how pointless he thinks my class is and how much he hates it. Said student then skipped class on both Thursday and Friday and although I can't say I was particularly disappointed by this, I warmly welcomed him back to class today.
"Nice of you to show up," I said sarcastically as he arrived. "Yeah, I thought you could use a break," he replied sheepishly, "I was gonna come on Friday but I figured nah." "What's your problem, anyway?" I asked (but nicely). "Hey, I got no beef with you, [my last name]. You're a cool teacher. You just need to chillax," he answered.
"Chillax," for those of you not quite as down with the cause as I am, is a combination of the terms "chill" and "relax." Oh, and this kid is quite possibly the whitest kid in America.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I was passing out papers at the end of a class today, I overheard one group of kids discussing whether or not they thought they were going to heaven. This had absolutely nothing to do with what we'd been talking about in class, so I'm not really sure how they got on the subject. But anyway, I was passing out papers and explaining homework and making sure nobody made off with (or "bucked on," in their parlance) any of the crappy laptops we'd been using, so I was distracted.
"Do you think you're going to heaven?" one kid asked me as I passed him a paper. "No," I answered and continued doing my teacher thing. "Why not?!" several kids asked at once. "Because I don't believe in heaven," I explained without really thinking. "Wow. I feel really sorry for you," one girl said angrily, as if my lack of belief was a personal affront. But I think some other kids might have snickered at her, or at least rolled their eyes on my behalf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had a department meeting after school to discuss changes -- BIG changes -- we should anticipate for the 07-08 school year. We teachers asked a lot of questions about the how and the why of things and were given very little information in response to those questions. Eventually the administration's liaison lost her patience with us and issued this blanket statement:
"You don't have to be here. If you don't like it, leave."
Hey, newsflash: I've had one foot out the door since the second week of school, you administrative fucksticks. Do you think it's because of the KIDS?
34 comments:
The administration's liason is an idiot, as you know. In another life I consulted administration (for corporations) on managing the change process. That meeting sounded like the 'don't do it this way' model!
On not believing in heaven. Love it! I don't know if you read any of my blog about my visit with the medium and such - but we asked her if someone needed to 'believe' in order for her to communicate for them. Her response: "Oh yeah, they just get there and find out they were wrong." So it is a no harm, no foul, I guess! My dad believed in nothing. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust - that's it. Yet, the medium told me stuff that only he could have known or said. Weird, very weird.
I don't know what I'believe' anymore, but it sounds like that doesn't matter anyway!
I should think with the shortage of people wanting to become teachers, your administration would think twice before decimating the staff that they have. That's pretty ridiculous.
Just as ridiculous is the girl feeling sorry for you because you don't share her beliefs. Who do people think they are?
Ha! "Administrative fucksticks"! I'm going to file that one away for future use. Oh, and "writing arsenal".
Chillax... I don't understand who these kids think they are. You must DREAD what the future holds for America. Is all they care about Abercrombie & Image?
You should have just announced several times how pointless you thought the meeting was and how much you hated it. Then, when the administration's liaison lost her patience you should have said "Hey, I got no beef with you, [her last name]. You're a cool administration's liaison. You just need to chillax."
Who says we can't learn from our students?
Fuck administration liasons! Buncha Fucktards.
You should teach them a lesson and take a teaching job in another state.
Maybe Michigan?
I have no idea how teachers do it. Working with that many kids would drive me nuts.
Ab - They are very much a my-way-or-the-highway bunch, with one exception.
I've read all about your experience with the medium and have found it fascinating. I never commented because I could never collect my thoughts long enough to post anything intelligent.
Gizmorox - There are plenty of CRAPPY would-be teachers out there, and I bet they don't ask questions.
Flannery - I'm fond of "administrative fucksticks" too, although it won't be so funny when I get dooced for it. "Arsenal of writing" is, of course, brilliant.
Dave - You know, I really DON'T dread what the future holds for America. I have plenty of great kids -- it's just that they don't make for as funny stories. I'll try to do a better job of painting a positive picture of America's youth. Until then, check out teaching posts from last May and June. Teachers always feel good in the spring.
CP - A good strategy for next time!
Randy - Does Michigan get off for Lee-Jackson-King Day?
Grant - I rather like (most of) the kids. Smaller classes would be nice, though. All you parents, take heed, smaller class sizes would make a WORLD of difference.
I love the term fucksticks.
Thank you for that [your last name]. And yes, I did intentionally bracket your-last-name because I've always referred to you by that and not by Megan, so, yea, well, that's how I feel about that. Additionally, guess who is turning 21 on March 1? This kid. Yep, less than 24 hours from now. Oh, and, I have a wonderful womanist/feminist event to tell you about that I am producing next Thursday, March 8, which, if you weren't already aware, is International Women's Day. I am so psyched. Okie dokie. It is almost 2am up here in Maine and I still have some short stories to edit and a play to read. Gotta love it.
You rock [your last name]!
Patrick :)
See, Dave? Patrick is one of my former students and he's awesome.
And Patrick - Happy 21st!!! Does this mean you'll be ordering a beer the next time we get together? Woohooo!
Ah, the old "love it or leave it" approach. The last refuge of administrative fucksticks.
tell your Dirty White Boy that you can grok his fly 'tood, splib. then wait a beat and say, "that's what YOU sound like to everyone else."
as for administration: 9 times out of 10 it's why schools are befucked; they can't get out of their own (or OUR) way.
Very good. Good point. I'll tune in to Lifetime if I want inspirational stories about students overcomming adversity.
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