Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Welcome McHome

I've spent the last few days visiting my family in their suburban DC home while talking shit about the suburbs (my family does not find this endearing, by the way).

I lived in various suburbs of DC for seven years after graduating from college, but I finally moved to Norfolk because, after much consideration, I realized that I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it (Norfolk) had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.

Okay, fine. Actually I moved to Norfolk because I hate the suburbs, I missed the ocean, and I wanted to teach someone other than rich privileged white kids.

Every time I go back to visit my DC-area friends and family, I'm sadly amazed to find another cookie-cutter development where trees used to be. I fear they're going to build McNeighborhoods until there's nothing left to McBuild on. Today I drove through one of these new developments after seeing a sign on the road advertising "luxury townhomes moderately priced from the $550s." I don't know about you, but I don't really consider $550,000 to be a "moderate" pricetag for much of anything. Plus, look at this place:

If I'm gonna drop half a million dollars on a dwelling, well, first of all I'm gonna need a sugar daddy. But. . .if I, with the help of my sugar daddy, am going to spend half a million dollars on a home, it will not be:

A) a townhouse
B) in the suburbs
C) situated next to a gas station
D) totally lacking in the tree department
E) identical to every other nearby dwelling
F) brand spankin' new
G) completely devoid of architectural character
H) a soul-sucking pit of despair.

Apparently a lot of McPeople are into that sort of thing, though, because the sign said there were only three McTownhomes left.


wonderturtle said...

I) lacking a yard bigger than something I'd lick the back of to send a letter

Megan said...

Good call!

steve said...

Gentle Reader, please note that the "Spartan-like" existence of this brave soul includes a daily, shall we say deliberate, trip to Total Wine (AKA Total Beverage for all the NoVa peeps). Ok, maybe not daily, but a lot!

Megan said...

Thoreau liked wine! He once said. . .okay, fine, actually Thoreau DIDN'T like wine. At all. Not Spartan enough. But Jefferson, my other hero, did. HE said "wine brightens the life and thinking of anyone."

Brian said...

It's so sad that the only land that's really left to build on in Centreville/Chantilly is Cox Farms.

And um, if I remember correctly, the kids that I went to high school with that were going to inherit the Farms weren't really into it that much.

Next thing you know the Disney folks will be coming back with another bid for the County to buy the freaking Battlefields and build another Epcot.


lulu said...

Plus, those are McFucking Ugly.