Monday, July 10, 2006

Things I've Recently Said To The Newspaper

I tend to talk to the newspaper while I'm reading it. Mostly I say things like, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" and "Oh my fucking god" and "Jesus fucking Christ" and "what a fucking idiot" and "fucking Israel." Occasionally though, I say something first that actually relates specifically to what I'm reading.

Like this morning, when I noticed these headlines about how Operation Enduring Freedom is going: "Baghdad street violence leaves at least 60 dead" and "Five more soldiers charged in rape, killings" and "Documents detail widespread corruption in Iraq police force." I said to the newspaper, "I guess this is what Bush meant when he stood under that 'mission accomplished' banner three fucking years ago in his cute little flight suit, or what Cheney meant a few weeks ago when he said that we're making 'significant progress' in Iraq. Jesus fucking Christ."

Or yesterday, as I read a story about the Senate race in Virginia in which George Allen, the incumbent, supports a constitutional amendment banning flag desecration and the challenger, Jim Webb (aka Anybody but Allen), doesn't. The article quoted one Raymond Walker, who (according to the Virginian Pilot) "said he likes Allen's views on the flag. 'Some of those people who are burning the flag ought to get in a submarine and have two depth charges dropped on them,' said Walker, a retired 23-year Navy man. 'That'll change their minds.'" To Mr. Walker I said, "Go ahead buddy, why don't you round up the handful of people who have ever burned a flag in protest (four this year and three last year, for example) and take them down in a sub and drop two depth charges on them. I'm sure that will totally change their minds about freedom of speech. You fucking idiot."

Or also yesterday, as I read a recipe in the "Gracious Living" section (only in the South will you find sections of the newspaper entitled "Gracious Living") for fried corn cakes. "Oooooh, that sounds good," I said, and then -- and I am not fucking kidding you here -- I cut the recipe out.


vikkitikkitavi said...

If someone offered me fried corn cakes I would indeed consider them extremely gracious.

And idiots who fall for flag amendment sleight-of-hand deserve to be represented by the assholes who trumpet it..

Megan said...

Of course, many of us in Virginia are NOT idiots, so where does that leave us? And let's not forget that even though the idiots of one state may be well-represented by an asshole, that asshole participates in making laws for the rest of the country to live by. No fair.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Of course, what I neglected to say is that many non-idiots who do not fall for flag amendment sleight-of-hand totally do NOT deserve to be represented by assholes, but have little choice, since they are a minority in their state.

Hey, I'm living in CA under the governator. I get it.