Saturday, May 06, 2006

I'm Not A Shrieking Hateful Harpy, But I Play One On TV

Confession: I've recently exchanged an email or two with my ex-fiancé.

This is how he came to know that I have a blog on which he could post Thursday's witty "there she blows" comment, and also how I came to know that he has a blog on which he refers to me as a "shrieking, hateful harpy."

(So Steve, yesterday when I said I had no idea how the comment got there, I was kind of lying. Sorry. I'm totally coming clean now.)

At first I was really pissed about this whole harpy thing. In my head I compiled a long list of evidence that conclusively proves I am not a shrieking, hateful harpy (for example: I rarely even raise my voice, so "shrieking" is, you know, a bit of a stretch). But then I realized I am merely a literary device. Referring to your ex-fiancé as a shrieking, hateful harpy is funny, whereas referring to her as "probably the most sensitive person I have ever met" (as he recently wrote to me) is not. So I've decided to be a good sport about this. Hell, every blog needs a shrieking, hateful harpy.

For those close friends and family members who were present for years and years of the Megan & Bryce rollercoaster and who are now thinking, "Uh-oh. Emails? Here we go again.," rest assured, we are not going there again. For starters, Bryce and I now live several hundred miles apart, so to go there again would be impractical. Secondly, he steadfastly refuses to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and you know I'm not havin' that. Lastly, he is madly in love (and good for him, really) with a girl he refers to as Baby, which is a term of endearment that literally makes me cringe.

I have never allowed anyone to call me "baby." "Shrieking, hateful harpy"? Sure, knock yourself out. But "baby"? No fucking way.

7 comments:

Brian said...

Yeah, when I read the 'shrieking, hateful, harpy' bit, my first inclination (as brother and pro-kicking-someone's-ass-who-fucks-with-my-sisters) was to find his skinny, namby-pamby ass and kick it - hard.

Then, I thought, "you know, Bryce isn't really worth the trouble", plus, he's merely bitter about the whole thing because he's probably finally realized that he was never good enough for you.

So, you see, I'd still like to kick the shit out of him. You know, just for shit's and giggles.

I mean, seriously; 'shrieking, hateful, harpy'? If only he was a little less of a dumbass, he might see that calling you these things is ridiculous.

Megan said...

That was sort of my point: he KNOWS I'm not a shrieking, hateful harpy.

Melissa said...

Thank god you brought up the Baby thing, because if you didn't, I was going to HAVE TO, and I just didn't want to go there.

vikkitikkitavi said...

It begs to be said: Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

Brian said...

Also, let's not forget that Bryce's blog is totally lame; it's all Bryce-ified...terrible! What an yuppie uppidy.

(I know, you're going to tell me he's not a yuppie...HE'S BEST FRIENDS WITH ED!)

Noonan said...

Oh good grief. You're certainly no Baby. And you're certainly no harpy. You're Feeley . . . our Feeley and we'll kick anyone's butt who says otherwise.

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