Note To Self

The next time your friends call you and insist you come over and drink on the porch with them, don't just grab any old bottle of wine on your way out the door. Remember that most of your friends teach high school too, and that years of choosing your words carefully in the classroom to avoid unintended sexual innuendo has permanently affected everyone's sense of humor. Make sure there's nothing about your wine contribution that could conceivably be construed as material. For god's sake, don't grab a bottle of


Otherwise, conversation for the rest of the night will center around jokes about 47-pound synonyms for "rooster." And you will likely be the butt of such jokes for months to come.