Wednesday, August 16, 2006

23 Out Of 187 Ain't Bad

We got a new little gift/humor book into the bookstore the other day: 187 Men To Avoid, which tells you about, um, 187 kinds of men you should avoid. Below are 23 of them I have, sadly, not managed to avoid.

Men who live with their mothers.
Men who insist on ordering for you.
Men who say, "Have a good one."
Men who play Nintendo.
Men who don't wear underwear.
Men who stir-fry.
Men with "issues."
Men who drink generic beer.
Men who "just want to be friends."
Men who say the last thing they want to do is hurt you.
Men who pretend they know what they're doing when they smell the cork.
Men who eat breakfast cereal for dinner.
Men who know more than 10 slang words for breasts.
Men who believe the McDonald's McLean is health food.
Men with vanity plates like BMW4DAN or OKGUY.
Men who bring their telephones to dinner.
Men who keep a condom in their wallet. . .just in case.
Men who watch the pre-game show.
Men with car stereos worth more than their cars.
Men who are too cool to dance.
Men who own dogs that are smaller than cats.
Men who won't eat quiche.
Men who wash their cars more than once a week.

Some of the above are men I don't necessarily think need to be avoided. Take the stir-fry guy, for example. I enjoy a good stir-fry, all the more if someone else has made it for me. Eating breakfast for dinner? What's so wrong with that? And some men do know what they're doing when they smell the cork. Of course, those men are to be avoided as well.

Some men are not included in the 187 Men to Avoid book but should be:

Men who are rude to wait staff, especially if this rudeness involves snapping.
Men who take longer to get ready than you do.
Men with a confederate flag anything.
Men who take themselves too seriously to laugh.
Men who drive a Hummer.

Feel free to add your own men to avoid to the list.

Update 08.17.06: Oh, and by the way, this book is by Dan Brown. Yes, that Dan Brown. The guy who wrote the god-awful Da Vinci Code. Apparently before he made it big, he wrote tongue-in-cheek self-help books for women under the psuedonym Danielle Brown. In which case, let's add:

Men who pretend to be women.
Men who write crappy books.


Maritza said...

Men who are married.

Men who don't work.

Men who don't read because "it's boring".

Men who have never travelled abroad and see no reason why they should.

Men who "think they may have a child somewhere".

Men who won't watch a movie with subtitles.

Men who have road rage or any other form of angry flare ups like being rude to waiters.

You're right, there's some on the list that I don't think should be avoided like playing Nintendo (I do that myself!).

Maritza said...

By the way, you've been tagged. See today's entry on my blog.

noonan said...

I like this list, and I would like to read the rest of it (it will help me on my continuing quest to simply date by process of elimination).

I second the concern about inability to laugh, and would like to add the following:

Men should also be avoided who make women wait for more than 30 minutes in public and then get mad at them for talking to other people while waiting.

Men who say that he and his wife "have an understanding."

Men who use more hair product than you do.

I can say that these are all good reasons to stop seeing someone.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Men who don’t want you to talk to your girlfriends about them.
Men who want you to account for every minute of your day.
Men who always want you to carry all their accoutrement in your purse.
Men who always respond to your new purchase with the question “How much did THAT cost?”
Men who have to be asked to wash the dishes or take out the trash.
Men who pretend that they didn’t mean to put their business in your butt.
Men who point out to you that you could be more “ladylike.”

Megan said...

Maritza: I guess Nintendo is okay if you're capable of turning it off once in a while, but my second-to-last relationship ended due to the man's LITERAL addiction to a certain video game.

Nooner: Touchy touchy about that late guy, aren't you? :)

Vikki: I especially like your second-to-last.

Patrick said...

Wow. Good thing I don't have to worry about dating women...The small dog and the hair product one might take me out of the race. Would it also take me out of the running if I have dressed up as Daisy Duke before? That might fall under the "avoid men who act like women" category.

Megan said...

See, the thing is Patrick, straight men don't dress up like Daisy Duke. They just don't.

And I'm okay with hair products. You'll have to take that beef up with Noonan.

Patrick said...

Wait, so maybe you should have added "Avoid men who are more interested in other men than in you." On my list I avoid men who are in the closet, men who have to do their hair before they make a quick run to Walmart, men who spend all the time texting friends on their cell phones, men who aren't at least college educated, definitely men who smoke, men who don't tip well, men who criticize how much I tip...
Wow. That was fun.

Brian said...

"At least college educated?" There's another level after college?

Or maybe I just missed the point because I'm such a dumbass, what with not having a fancy piece of paper from a college or university to validate my self-worth.

noonan said...

Patrick - I think that you have identified some EXCELLENT criterion.

And Megan,I disagree with your case that you're okay with the hair products. You don't like men who wear belts. Or who tuck in their shirts. Or who bathe regularly. Presumably the "hair product" that you're okay with is from all of the funk & grease that accompanies not bathing.

Megan said...

Patrick -- Is your problem with the doing of the hair or the shopping at WalMart or both?

Brian -- Oh stop!

Noonan -- Very funny. I like a man to bathe every now and then. I just don't like him to LOOK like he's bathed. Sometimes this look requires a little product. And no last names on the blog please! (I mean mine.)

Patrick said...

Megan- My problem is much more with the doing of the hair than the Walmart. I know, Walmart is beyond awful, but in Waterville, there is little else. And honestly, when it took him an hour to do his hair, I had had enough.
Brian- I guess if someone had your quick wit and natural brilliance I could get over them not being college educated ;)

lulu said...

Men who got less than a 400 on the SAT verbal.

Men who don't have female friends.

Men who care too much about their cars.

Megan said...

Like with rims?