We got a new little gift/humor book into the bookstore the other day: 187 Men To Avoid, which tells you about, um, 187 kinds of men you should avoid. Below are 23 of them I have, sadly, not managed to avoid.
Men who live with their mothers.
Men who insist on ordering for you.
Men who say, "Have a good one."
Men who play Nintendo.
Men who don't wear underwear.
Men who stir-fry.
Men with "issues."
Men who drink generic beer.
Men who "just want to be friends."
Men who say the last thing they want to do is hurt you.
Men who pretend they know what they're doing when they smell the cork.
Men who eat breakfast cereal for dinner.
Men who know more than 10 slang words for breasts.
Men who believe the McDonald's McLean is health food.
Men with vanity plates like BMW4DAN or OKGUY.
Men who bring their telephones to dinner.
Men who keep a condom in their wallet. . .just in case.
Men who watch the pre-game show.
Men with car stereos worth more than their cars.
Men who are too cool to dance.
Men who own dogs that are smaller than cats.
Men who won't eat quiche.
Men who wash their cars more than once a week.
Some of the above are men I don't necessarily think need to be avoided. Take the stir-fry guy, for example. I enjoy a good stir-fry, all the more if someone else has made it for me. Eating breakfast for dinner? What's so wrong with that? And some men do know what they're doing when they smell the cork. Of course, those men are to be avoided as well.
Some men are not included in the 187 Men to Avoid book but should be:
Men who are rude to wait staff, especially if this rudeness involves snapping.
Men who take longer to get ready than you do.
Men with a confederate flag anything.
Men who take themselves too seriously to laugh.
Men who drive a Hummer.
Feel free to add your own men to avoid to the list.
Update 08.17.06: Oh, and by the way, this book is by Dan Brown. Yes, that Dan Brown. The guy who wrote the god-awful Da Vinci Code. Apparently before he made it big, he wrote tongue-in-cheek self-help books for women under the psuedonym Danielle Brown. In which case, let's add:
Men who pretend to be women.
Men who write crappy books.