No, not these crocs.
I know this whole crocs fad has been building for quite some time, but suddenly crocs are ubiquitous. Everywhere I look I see crocs. On everyone. I don't get it. I mean, I'm sure crocs are comfy, but GOD they're ugly!
Look, here's the deal with crocs:
Crocs on little girls. . .cute. Very cute. If I had a little girl she would definitely be rockin' some crocs. But only if she wanted to.
Crocs on kitchen staff. . .very practical. Good thinking. Pick a color that makes you happy and be sure you take them off once your shift is over.
Crocs on wait staff. . .also practical. Only in black. Usually it's dark so we can't tell anyway. Don't wear them out for the inevitable post-shift partying.
Crocs as beach shoes. . .reasonable, although I thought flip-flops were working just fine.
Crocs on grown women. . .not good. Not good at all. Attractive, willowy women can sort of pull off crocs. The rest of you cannot. The rest of you look like you have enormous and very colorful feet. Also, I feel like your feet must be really really hot in there. I'm sad for them.
Crocs on men. . .no no no no no no no! Men, what are you thinking?! Please, put your black socks and loafers back on and cut it out with all this getting in touch with your European side crap.
Crocs on teenagers. . .hey, anyone notice that teenagers aren't wearing crocs? It's because crocs are totally not cool.
You know what's cool? Chucks. If you insist on wearing brightly colored shoes, get yourself a pair of Chucks. High-tops, low-tops, slip-ons; they are all cool. You can even design your own.
Just, please, stop with the crocs.