Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Is That A Dragon In Your Backyard Or. . .?

Welcome to another edition of "Talkin' Shit About Architecture," where I take pictures of other people's houses and then make fun of them (the people and the houses). Am I qualified to pass judgment on architecture? Not at all. But I have read The Fountainhead quite a few times.

Okay then. Let's get started, shall we?

Here we are in rural Maple, North Carolina, which is situated along the Currituck Sound and consists mostly of corn fields, Baptist churches, and roadside vegetable stands.

But behold! In the distance!

Is that a red UK-style telephone booth I see? It is! Would you like to ring your mum? Too bad. You can't. The door is locked and there's a little sign that reads "not a public phone." Not a public phone?! Then what, pray tell, is the point?

Also, why have an electronically controlled gate that one can easily walk around? You're not keeping out the riff-raff. A gate is supposed to, like, connect to something. Something like the rest of the fence. But I guess if you're gonna have a red (!) phone booth that serves no purpose you might as well throw in a gate that serves no purpose. Go crazy.

The real architectural mishap here though is yonder castle.

I mean, really, a castle? In North-freakin'-Carolina? And it's not even a good castle. That castle is all over the place, architecturally speaking.

As I mentioned above, I'm not an expert on architecture, but I don't think that entrance really works for a castle. Even a fake castle. Maybe without the railing. I don't know. Also, what's up with the lattice-work on the windows? They live right smack dab on a beautiful body of water and they put criss-crosses all over their windows? On purpose? Bad move. And that satellite dish has got to go. How do you think the court jester feels when they sit down to watch American Idol?

Okay fine. How much fun can you really make of a fake castle as undeniably ugly as this? Let's all just point at it and laugh.

Seriously though, what kind of furniture do you think they have in there? And, more importantly, where the fuck is the moat?


Chris said...

Megan - I am an architect and you are right. As I was scrolling down, I did a double-take when I saw the castle monstrosity. The sad thing is that the people who own it think its really cool. It's sad for me to see that sort of thing.

Meaghan said...

Aw, come on, people who live in Currituck can't help it if they have no taste. The people who built that probably grew up in a trailor. This is, literally, their castle.

Melissa said...

The castle looks exactly like it was made out of Legos. I think my twin built that very castle when we were 8, in fact.

Megan said...

Chris: They probably DO think it's cool. That is precisely why I'm making fun of them. It is sad though. And it's also not nice for me to make fun of people.

Meaghan: I know, I know. But the castle's still ugly. And it looks pretty silly in a town filled with trailers and little wooden bait shop shacks.

Melisssa: It DOES look like legos!

Maritza said...

Say what you will about the goofy castle but it beats my vinyl sided connected on both sides tenement with railroad style flats, all of 4 windows and not ONE architectural detail any day of the week. Yeah, and I bought the place like this and yes, I'm not an architect but I am a designer. I should be ashamed of myself, but I'm not because I don't care (How very un "Fountainhead" of me! )

vikkitikkitavi said...

As butt ugly as that house is, though, my favorite part is the gate. It's like someone told them that classy houses have gates, but neglected to also impart the function of a gate.

Speaking of misguided anglophiles, in LA, the Tudor style of house is VERY popular, which baffles me no end. Especially when the yard is planted with palm trees and cactus.

Brian said...

The sad thing is that, if there was a moat involoved, it would make it all okay. Because a moat makes everything okay.

Megan said...

Maritza: My apartment is no great shakes either (from the outside, the inside is cool). Perhaps I'll make fun of IT next time.

Vikkitikkitavi: The gate is my favorite part too! They're definitely going for form over function here.

Brian: Seriously, why NOT add a moat?

Maritza said...

I'm ashamed to say that my apartment is funky in a collegy dorm sort of way. People think I must have the coolest hippest place because of my work but sadly, I don't. It's like the saying that the cobbler's kids have no shoes. I ain't even got feets.

Love the moat idea.

Megan said...

So, Maritza, what kind of furniture WOULD you put in there?