Monday, August 28, 2006

School? It's Just Right Across That River Styx Over There.

Today was the first day of school for teachers. Incidentally, it was also 96 degrees in Norfolk and the air conditioning at school was broken. Oh, and my classroom is on the fourth (i.e., top) floor. My day pretty much involved wondering if it would be inappropriate to remove any more of my clothing than I already had. Answer: yes.

Around 1:30 I had a visit from some of the students who have been calling me all summer. I told them last week to stop calling me and get a life, so I guess they figured if they couldn't call they'd just stop by. Not exactly in keeping with the "get a life" approach to life, but whatever. At least they're respecting the "stop calling me" part of the plan.

Anyway, I was dripping with sweat and definitely not dressed appropriately for greeting ANYONE, let alone 16 year-old male students, unless you consider an exposed midriff appropriate teacher attire. One of these boys wrote "you are my dream woman" on the VERY first assignment he turned in to me last year and then got progressively creepier until parental and administrative intervention was required. Today his only comment on my appearance was to ask, "Hey, where's your necklace? You always wear a necklace."

So see, we've made progress.

Actually, I do pretty much always wear a necklace, and to notice that is still a little creepy. But to look at your dream woman's bare midriff and note only that she is missing her signature accessory is indeed progress.

And I was so impressed with this progress that when he asked me if I needed help with anything, I handed him my car keys and sent him and my other kids out to my car to unload some boxes of school crap that I'd taken home over the summer. He looked ecstatic. He looked like he was up to no good. There are all kinds of legal issues involved in giving kids the keys to your car and asking them to go get you something. I know this. But it was a hundred fucking degrees and I really needed those boxes.

"Do NOT get in my car," I stated emphatically. "I have a license!" he whined. "No. Look at me. This isn't like the time I said 'do NOT order pizza and have it delivered to class' and you did anyway. This is like dead serious. Do NOT get in my car." I raised my eyebrows and put my hands on my hips for good measure, and I'd long ago covered up my midriff. "Okay, okay," he conceded. And then as he was walking out the door he said, "I'm gonna have to, like, reach in there though. You know, to get the boxes out?" "If I see you get in my car. . ." I threatened.

See, this is my big downfall as a disciplinarian. I can never think of anything good after. . . .

Fortunately he didn't get in my car. He did, like, reach in there though. You know, to get the boxes out.

6 comments:

lulu said...

You have air conditioning at your school? Lucky.

That whole kids and cars thing is tricky. I have kids ask for rides home after play practice all the time. And I have to say no even though I live right down the street from some of them. Damn lawe suits.

I feel your back to school pain, I go on Wednesday.

Megan said...

My god, Lulu. Have you ever BEEN to Virginia?! There's no fucking way we could even HAVE school without air conditioning. I mean unless we went November through early April. Hey, there's an idea.

lulu said...

Well, my school is red brick, 4 stories and about 100 years old. My classroom is on the 3rd floor and will robably be 90+ degrees until the end of September. It sucks, but yes, I am sure that it is far worse down there. On the plus side, you guys get snow days when there is 1/2 and inch, and they make us stay upen when there is a foot of snow on the roads.

Maritza said...

All I can think of is Beavis and/or Butthead telling the other kids, "Yeah - she told me to go for her box". Eeww.

Megan said...

Lu: Hey, MY school is red brick, 4 stories, and about 100 years old! And yes, you gotta love those snow days.

Maritza: Box jokes are always good for a laugh.

noonan said...

Don't you love the free labor of students? It is really helpful. I'm waiting for some of mine to visit so that they can help me move things. :)