Friday, August 04, 2006

Gangsta 4 Life, Or At Least Until Something Cooler Comes Along

It was 8:30 this morning and if I hadn't already been up, the mellifluous sound of gangsta rap drifting up to my bedroom window would certainly have done the trick.

I say "drifting" because we all know that's what mellifluous sounds do. We also all know gangsta rap isn't mellifluous. So it wasn't drifting. It was more like pounding on my window. It was actually an awful lot like some motherfucker kicking down my door and shouting, "it's 8:30 in the morning, I'm up, and I don't give a fuck about the rest-a-ya'll."

Ordinarily I wake to the sound of birdies chirping, so I was curious as to who was kickin' it P-Diddy style at such an ungodly hour. I looked out the window.

I should have known.

Look, I know being gangsta is all the rage these days, but if you're a 15-year-old white boy from Delaware, it's unlikely you are gangsta no matter how many Spike Lee Joints you've heard people mention on MySpace. And if your family is dropping 5000 Washingtons a week to rent a vacation "cottage" in Corolla, there's a distinct possibility you are not gangsta. Most importantly, if you've gotten up at eight-fucking-thirty in the morning to float around your own personal in-ground pool on a Sponge Bob raft, you are almost certainly not gangsta. Gangstas might dig Sponge Bob, but they sleep late -- they've been up all night doin' crazy-ass gangsta shit and pouring a little out for their homies.

Next time, try a little Jimmy Buffet. I won't like it any better, but at least it will make sense.

9 comments:

lulu said...

There is something a little silly about teen-aged white boys trying to fight the power while floating around in the power's pool, or driving the power's BMW.

Melissa said...

That's hilarious! And believe me - I can totally relate to this experience. I live in south Harlem and many a night and morning I have had to go outside and scream into a car window about the level of music shaking my entire building. Fucking idiots.

wonderturtle said...

"Look, I know being gangsta is all the rage these days, but if you're a 15-year-old white boy from Delaware, it's unlikely you are gangsta no matter how many Spike Lee Joints you've heard people mention on MySpace."

That is a damn near perfect sentence. Brilliant.

Megan said...

Lulu - There's something A LOT silly, I think.

Melissa - Aren't you scared they'll bust a cap in yo' ass?

WonderTurtle - Thanks! :)

Brian said...

I don't think there's a whole hell of a lot that scares Melissa.

And I think every privledged teenaged white boy needs to go through his gangsta rap phase. It's part of that akward stage before you realize you're nowhere near as cool as you think.

But I'm not sure if P-Diddy counts as "gangsta" rap - I think he's too pretty.

Maritza said...

How old do we sound? Would I have been into gangsta rap if I was 15 today? Thankfully, my daughter skipped the gangsta and went straight to some weird ass Japanese music from video games and old punk rock. I don't know which is worse.

Megan said...

Pretty old. I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt the other day that said "if it's too loud, you're old." He was about 50.

lulu said...

Oh, I will still go to loud sweaty shows and jump up and down. I don't mind loud. Hell, I *love* loud. I just don't love throbbing base and "bitches and 'hos" at 8:00am.

Grant Miller said...

Can I get a muthfuckin' moment of silence for a small chronic break? Sheet. G's up.